There was once a time where in this world I was the main character in the story, it felt as if I was walking on clouds and my heart, always pounding, That feeling was good, as if our love filled up to the skies. One man came who gave me that happiness but like that, he left.
I used to have only one dream. As i grow older, that dream become into more dreams and so on. last time, my very one dream was to travel the world, to look at the different landscapes and admire the beauty of earth, to experience different cultures in all parts of the world, to eat so many foods from different restaurants and to get in touch with people of the world. until now i still believe in this dream but i find myself distancing from ppl, from my own feelings.
When i was 16, i dreamt of having good grades and then goin on to junior college. if i could get better, i wanted to further my studies abroad at some good college in the states. i guess i read too many books during tt time. those books perked me up and made me think of how life will be different if i was overseas, if i was a freshmen in some preppy college, if i was an exchange student working at a restaurant and of cos going to a prom night as of all girls' dreams. But then after 9/11, i figured it was too dangerous to study there so i shelved that dream till it would be more appropriate. teehee
when i was 17 and 18, i was studying business in poly. i had a little dream of being successful at work, earning loads of money so i could buy alot of clothes and makeup. i wanted to do well in school, find a bf and live beautifully. most of it came true, and then i found myself dreaming to be with my love together forever, to spend each day thinking and missing each other, to cook and to have a happy family in future. i wanted to do things that others did, so sweet and never forget about the memories in life. we dreamt of opening a toyshop, making money, going places. and then i wish for time to be like this so amazing always.
at 19, i dream of making more money to satisfy my horrible shopping habits. it jus goes continuously. i dream of a love which will be everlasting and i dream of being able to judge people as i grow older. who's good who's bad i want to noe. i wish that life will take a back seat and pass slowly so that i can enjoy the little things in life that i probably missed out or will. i still dream of travelling very much nowadays and one day i hope i can settle down in some countryside when i'm old. however if i'm still young, i wanna live in big cities, walk down the cobbled streets, or pass by the endless buildings, living in apartments that overlook the buzz in the city.
`dreams can be so interesting if only you dare to.
where's my sam shik?
sch's started a week ago, i cant wait for tutorials cos at least there's a reason to talk compared to lectures. i'm quite stressed actually for a particular sub cos he said he gonna assume no prior knowledge, ok fine. But what i feel is tt i am lucky to hv taken it before as i don't tink the stuff he explains can go across to those who nv learn it before. even i was abit wavered. geez. and one more thing, i totally hate the bidding and balloting system.
u noe, i'm starting to try to be alil more independent than i was in poly, where i relied on frens to update me abt lect notes being posted already blah blah.. haha. i seriously hv to learn to do things on my own! hmmph.
nowadays gst is rather high, i've realised i din officially bought clothings from a PHYSICAL store for like a month or so? now the trend is ONLINE SHOPPING! Jenn and me are sort of crazy over the sprees. hahah. money is very hard to earn, yet i can't control the spendthrift streak in me nowadays. like i said, shopping makes me feel happier but i jus wanna live life this way. my aunt was saying, we don't noe when we're gonna die, so this becomes our valid reason why we shld start spending some cash now rather than bringing it along into the coffin.
and so, life's always gotta have some entertainment like watching tv dramas and animes. recently i was watching this korean drama, i felt like i was so in love with the cute guy in the show. partly it was, but i thought for quite awhile i realised that i was in love with the way the portrayal of love in retrospect of life. sometimes i wish for it to happen right before me, sometimes i look back in life everytime the actress said something meaningful, it felt so truthful. i wan to live a truthful life, being honest abt my own feelings, being able to be myself, to be loved for being real, to laugh it out loud and to view life in a grown-up manner.
but afterall it is just a show that reminded me of the kind of things that will onli happen in the dreams. how true is it? how realistic is it? it may not be. we all look for parts of ourselves in shows, we relate to the characters in it, we feel the same way as they do, it is but a show?
sch's started a week ago, i cant wait for tutorials cos at least there's a reason to talk compared to lectures. i'm quite stressed actually for a particular sub cos he said he gonna assume no prior knowledge, ok fine. But what i feel is tt i am lucky to hv taken it before as i don't tink the stuff he explains can go across to those who nv learn it before. even i was abit wavered. geez. and one more thing, i totally hate the bidding and balloting system.
u noe, i'm starting to try to be alil more independent than i was in poly, where i relied on frens to update me abt lect notes being posted already blah blah.. haha. i seriously hv to learn to do things on my own! hmmph.
nowadays gst is rather high, i've realised i din officially bought clothings from a PHYSICAL store for like a month or so? now the trend is ONLINE SHOPPING! Jenn and me are sort of crazy over the sprees. hahah. money is very hard to earn, yet i can't control the spendthrift streak in me nowadays. like i said, shopping makes me feel happier but i jus wanna live life this way. my aunt was saying, we don't noe when we're gonna die, so this becomes our valid reason why we shld start spending some cash now rather than bringing it along into the coffin.
and so, life's always gotta have some entertainment like watching tv dramas and animes. recently i was watching this korean drama, i felt like i was so in love with the cute guy in the show. partly it was, but i thought for quite awhile i realised that i was in love with the way the portrayal of love in retrospect of life. sometimes i wish for it to happen right before me, sometimes i look back in life everytime the actress said something meaningful, it felt so truthful. i wan to live a truthful life, being honest abt my own feelings, being able to be myself, to be loved for being real, to laugh it out loud and to view life in a grown-up manner.
but afterall it is just a show that reminded me of the kind of things that will onli happen in the dreams. how true is it? how realistic is it? it may not be. we all look for parts of ourselves in shows, we relate to the characters in it, we feel the same way as they do, it is but a show?
They say when you're out of love, you're like a stray dog. Some kind soul decides to take you in, but later you find that you can't adapt to the new place and you decide to leave again to search for ur ideal home...
Finally i'm getting into uni, which is sth i am still quite surprised looking at my ability and tardiness. but hey tts becos i do things when i'm supposed to! my dad always say i'm so lazy and he's sick lookin at the untidy table, bed and floor splattered with endless of things. yes one day i will pack it, only when i feel like it. BUT, i really put in effort in poly to study and do my projects well, i am definitely not going to let anyone or myself down cos the feeling sucks. i studied cos i had my motivation when i'm with him to do well together, for us to do well in studies was very important. we strived hard, we stayed over together to rush our stuff. it was really fun times, to me, despite the stress we got. nothing can ever be better.
I guess its time to go back to blogging after such a long break. i still feel crappy now and then but i've learnt to hide it beneath my urh happy face. if i keep showing my sad face 365 days, i am letting myself down and to life. somehow it seems to be working, i don't want ppl to tink i'm such an emo person for the past 1 year of my life. Unimaginable. so i try to be happy and i am, jus tat sadness is always more overpowering than anything thing else for me. happy this second, depressed next second, and it jus goes on and on and on.
So for uni, its quite interesting yet tiring to plan and bid for my modules. i swear it is one of the toughest mind games u've ever come across. lucky i pass my qet which means i hv lesser burden. i don't show my level of english here o.O now i understand the need for a contingency PLAN, if u dun wanna get frantic about losing a bid for ur modules and start mind-whirling about thinking wuts the next step u shld do in order to secure urself sth. BACK UP BACK UP! Its great we get to plan OTOT but its really a headache to plan. but hey, we all learn something out of something. its nv useless. I din manage to get all that i wanted but i'm gonna try again in round 2A this morning. sounds like some boxing match, i pay more money i get to whack u and i win.
Back from HK trip 06, it was really fun goin with the usual people, stayin in causeway bay, looking out to the highrise on the hill top, eating maggi mee every supper, bathing and waiting, shopping, disneyland was great too, jus tat we went late, we missed out certain good shit in HK, but i'm glad at least i've experienced it before. it was really fun eating at cafe de coral, cheap and good. but basically SHOPPING AND SHOPPING. and the hui lau shan's mango drink. went back to certain places we've been before, the images flashed back, i turned around i imagined it was him with me but no. i still tink of how sad we were sitting outside intercontinental hotel, facing the harbour, feeling very sad about leaving the wonderful place last year. it was tt windy night, our batteries ran out, the uncle pushed his squeaky cart of drinks and flowers, along the quiet avenue of stars. i almost cried. i really hated to leave. in the plane back i tot of him and i couldn't sleep at all.
Anyway, it was quite a rewarding trip even though i deeply regret not bringing more money. i could have bought more stuff back. nvm i will be going back hk again next summer, by then i shld be more prepared aight? hehe. i've shopped and spent alot since the breakup, i supposed doing so made me feel better and it really did. so far in abt 4 mths, i have spent more than 1000 bucks on clothes, face and food. this is really a serious problem. i dun earn enough, but i spend like mad. i wan to earn my own keeps, i work hard for money till i juggled 3 jobs at a go, jus to find myself handing the cash over to the smiling cashier.
recently watched pirates of the carribean and hard candy. both was nice, not lame at all. though the latter was super sick, it made me cringe. haha. and for POC2, johnny depp's acting was really superb, i like! yesterday we were supposed to watch fireworks, but i was late and thus missed it. sigh but heard it wasn't very nice either. so it wasnt very regretful.. we went to zouk to watch dj shadow's performance, it was really great. the crowd was nice, except for some stupid retards, it jus shows that looks ain't everything, u have to be a little more street smart or common sense. if u tink u look good and u dress so awfully nice, u might have to tink twice whether or not u get tat 2nd appraising look from others. my toes are downtrodden, i have a bruise on my hand i wonder who did that when they are passing by. shit.
and then this afternoon i wake up i planned my timetable, with many backup plans in mind. RELOAD.
`i hope he's happy and healthy everyday.
Finally i'm getting into uni, which is sth i am still quite surprised looking at my ability and tardiness. but hey tts becos i do things when i'm supposed to! my dad always say i'm so lazy and he's sick lookin at the untidy table, bed and floor splattered with endless of things. yes one day i will pack it, only when i feel like it. BUT, i really put in effort in poly to study and do my projects well, i am definitely not going to let anyone or myself down cos the feeling sucks. i studied cos i had my motivation when i'm with him to do well together, for us to do well in studies was very important. we strived hard, we stayed over together to rush our stuff. it was really fun times, to me, despite the stress we got. nothing can ever be better.
I guess its time to go back to blogging after such a long break. i still feel crappy now and then but i've learnt to hide it beneath my urh happy face. if i keep showing my sad face 365 days, i am letting myself down and to life. somehow it seems to be working, i don't want ppl to tink i'm such an emo person for the past 1 year of my life. Unimaginable. so i try to be happy and i am, jus tat sadness is always more overpowering than anything thing else for me. happy this second, depressed next second, and it jus goes on and on and on.
So for uni, its quite interesting yet tiring to plan and bid for my modules. i swear it is one of the toughest mind games u've ever come across. lucky i pass my qet which means i hv lesser burden. i don't show my level of english here o.O now i understand the need for a contingency PLAN, if u dun wanna get frantic about losing a bid for ur modules and start mind-whirling about thinking wuts the next step u shld do in order to secure urself sth. BACK UP BACK UP! Its great we get to plan OTOT but its really a headache to plan. but hey, we all learn something out of something. its nv useless. I din manage to get all that i wanted but i'm gonna try again in round 2A this morning. sounds like some boxing match, i pay more money i get to whack u and i win.
Back from HK trip 06, it was really fun goin with the usual people, stayin in causeway bay, looking out to the highrise on the hill top, eating maggi mee every supper, bathing and waiting, shopping, disneyland was great too, jus tat we went late, we missed out certain good shit in HK, but i'm glad at least i've experienced it before. it was really fun eating at cafe de coral, cheap and good. but basically SHOPPING AND SHOPPING. and the hui lau shan's mango drink. went back to certain places we've been before, the images flashed back, i turned around i imagined it was him with me but no. i still tink of how sad we were sitting outside intercontinental hotel, facing the harbour, feeling very sad about leaving the wonderful place last year. it was tt windy night, our batteries ran out, the uncle pushed his squeaky cart of drinks and flowers, along the quiet avenue of stars. i almost cried. i really hated to leave. in the plane back i tot of him and i couldn't sleep at all.
Anyway, it was quite a rewarding trip even though i deeply regret not bringing more money. i could have bought more stuff back. nvm i will be going back hk again next summer, by then i shld be more prepared aight? hehe. i've shopped and spent alot since the breakup, i supposed doing so made me feel better and it really did. so far in abt 4 mths, i have spent more than 1000 bucks on clothes, face and food. this is really a serious problem. i dun earn enough, but i spend like mad. i wan to earn my own keeps, i work hard for money till i juggled 3 jobs at a go, jus to find myself handing the cash over to the smiling cashier.
recently watched pirates of the carribean and hard candy. both was nice, not lame at all. though the latter was super sick, it made me cringe. haha. and for POC2, johnny depp's acting was really superb, i like! yesterday we were supposed to watch fireworks, but i was late and thus missed it. sigh but heard it wasn't very nice either. so it wasnt very regretful.. we went to zouk to watch dj shadow's performance, it was really great. the crowd was nice, except for some stupid retards, it jus shows that looks ain't everything, u have to be a little more street smart or common sense. if u tink u look good and u dress so awfully nice, u might have to tink twice whether or not u get tat 2nd appraising look from others. my toes are downtrodden, i have a bruise on my hand i wonder who did that when they are passing by. shit.
and then this afternoon i wake up i planned my timetable, with many backup plans in mind. RELOAD.
`i hope he's happy and healthy everyday.